


We've Got To Get Out Of This Place

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Drama, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 08:19:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/795949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes you would do anything for the one you love</p>
            </blockquote>





	We've Got To Get Out Of This Place

## We've Got To Get Out Of This Place

by Fyrbyrd

I don't own them, they own me

I want to thank everyone at SXA, especially Lyn, and those that encouraged me to do this.

This story takes place before The Debt, when Blair did not live with Jim.   
There is a warning of Drug use, rape and Non consentual sex

* * *

Jim drove the truck completely unaware of the black limo and the green mustang that were trailing him, the two cars took turns following. He drove to the carpark and hurried up to his apartment. The green mustang checked the carpark out and left. 

The two cars met later at a warehouse and plans were laid. Another car was sent to watch the apartment building, to watch for the truck to leave again. When it did, the green mustang headed to the vacated carpark and lay in wait for it's return. 

Jim had turned off the engine and was part way out of the car when the two men came out of nowhere, grabbing him firmly, cuffing him swiftly and throwing a cloth bag over his head, blindfolding him. He was also gagged over the bag and dragged away to a car, thrown in the back, then the car pulled out in a hurry. He had not sensed them coming 

It wasn't a very long drive and he heard the grinding sound of a roll-a-door opening, a very large one, then the car drove inside. He was pulled from the back seat and dragged up some stairs and into a room. They forced him into a seat. He sat there blind and confused,aware that he had been snatched, but why and by whom? 

The familiar smell of cigar smoke told him that someone was in the room already. Then suddenly the gag was removed and the hood pulled quickly from his head. His fringe fell over his eyes, he shook his head in an attempt to clear his sight and soon saw the well dressed young man before him. He also recognised what kind of man he was, by the way he was dressed, he was a mafia man, unmistakably so. But not a local one that he knew of. 

The man smiled and let out a puff of his cigar, he turned to his two men, the pair that had grabbed him, "Well done, boys. No trouble I should hope." 

"No boss," answered the blonde one. 

"Very good. You can go now, I can handle things from here." 

The two men left the room. 

The man got to his feet and moved closer to Jim. 

"Wondering why you are here? Maybe thinking I'm after the reward on your head. Well, I'm not after that. I don't care who you are, I just care what you look like. You're a very attractive man, did you know that?" 

Jim stiffened in his seat, keeping his eyes on the man. A twinge of fear shot through him. 

"Oh yes, very handsome. And I haven't had any fun for a long time. You have to be very careful these days. You have to be selective, cautious." 

The horror of what the man wanted twisted his stomach. And he wasn't prepared for the man suddenly grabbing him and propelling him towards a bed near the wall. He landed on his stomach and felt his shoes yanked from his feet. The man got onto the bed and lifted him to gain access to his belt and unzip his fly, then dropping him again he moved back and pulled his trousers off in one fast movement. 

Then the man straddled him, sitting on him so he could not fight. The man began to strip off his suit, tie first, jacket, shirt, pants and shoes. He had to get off Jim to rid himself of his pants, but it was not for long and in that time he prepared himself, so when he returned, he parted Jim, mounted him and entered. 

Jim struggled as much as he could screaming and swearing at the violation, but there was little he could do with the man's full weight upon him. And he wasn't being gentle either. Jim's cries seemed to drive him into a frenzy. Jim moaned with the pain which was much worse with climax and was relived when the man withdrew from him, collapsing beside him. The man panted for breath and Jim felt tears roll down his face and yet he fought to control himself, he didn't want to give the bastard the satisfaction of seeing him in pain though he hurt like hell. 

But the man didn't look at him, he actually fell asleep, leaving Jim just as he was, unable to move because of the pain and because of the cuffs still holding his arms behind his back. 

Jim tried to think, tried to remember if anyone would notice that he was missing. He had been undercover for several weeks, not carrying his true ID, or guns. He was not due to contact Simon until the next day and Blair was working hard at the University. This was totally unexpected. 

Jim had only begun to doze off with the slight easing of the pain, he hadn't thought of his pain dials He didn't feel the man move beside him, he only felt the rough pounding against him and the feeling of hot iron forcing it's way into his body. And his hips were being crushed and squeezed by large hard hands. He heard himself crying out with the agony that would not end. But in the midst of the searing pain he felt his whole world turning black and his blood sang in his ears, taking him into merciful oblivion. 

He felt heavy and dopey waking up. And it was cold. He realised he was still laying in the bed half naked, but now he was alone. Again tears came, but this time with the shock of what had happened to him and he still hurt like hell. Through the edges of the covered windows he could see that it was light out and he wondered how long the nightmare would go on. 

He didn't have long to wait. The door opened and someone came in. The same someone got onto the bed and a bare hand glided over his nakedness. He shivered at the coldness and the fear it compelled. 

"Awake are we? I don't like it when my fun goes out cold on me. I was enjoying myself. I suppose I shall just have to try again." 

Jim let out a frightened moan. He didn't want any more, couldn't endure any more. 

The man left then bed to undress and Jim wished he had the strength to fight, but his whole body was stiff from being too long in the same position and the pain had taken everything out of him. 

So he was forced to endure a further attack on his body, forced to feel the renewal of pain, exaggerated by the man pulling his head up by his hair every once in a while to be sure he stayed conscious. His throat failed him too. He could not cry any more, he just had nothing left. 

The man finally left him and Jim heard him dress and sigh heavily. He called out and Jim heard two more enter the room. "Get him out of here. He's no fun any more. But don't kill him, I don't want that. Just dump him somewhere. He can't do anything to us. If he drew attention to himself he'd be in trouble himself. Yes, just dump him. I don't care what happens to him after that." 

The man left to the chorus of, "Yeah boss." 

He was barely conscious as they put his pants and shoes back on. The movement excentuated the pain and they didn't care if he hurt. They were just obeying orders. 

One of them lifted him and carried him to the door while the other tossed the hood back over his head. Then he was carried down the stairs and dumped into the back seat of the same car that brought him there. 

There was a long drive before the car came to a halt. The door was opened and the cuffs removed before he was pulled out and dumped onto the ground. The hood was removed as he lay on the cold hard ground and the car sped off before he could see anything clearly. 

Everything was hazy and the pain just would not leave him. Yet he knew he was in some alley and he could not stay there, if the cops came along... He forced himself to rise, but it was a slow process, his arms and legs screamed with the sudden use. Still he concentrated on getting onto his feet, biting back the pain, fighting himself for control. 

He was glad of the wall, it helped steady him when his legs protested at the weight they had to hold. The whole world reeled around him as the pain struck like a sledge-hammer. But he had to continue, he had to get out of there, had to get help. He tried to think, he had only two options, call Simon, or call Blair. 

Right then he did not feel like facing the Simon with what had happened. And Blair, yes he would come, he would help get him home, help get him back in control. 

He found a dime and used the call to aid him as he began to move, a phone was sure to be near. He hoped he found one that worked. He had almost gone as far as his body could endure when he found a working phone. It took a few moments for him to catch his breath and fight the rising nausea before he picked up the receiver, out the dime in and punched in the number. 

"Blair." 

"Jim?" 

"I need help, real bad. Come and get me if you can. It's bad." 

There was a few seconds of silence before Blair demanded the address and vowed to be there soon. 

Jim hung up and almost collapsed. But with the knowledge that Blair was coming, it was enough to get him to a safe place where he could lie down as not attract attention. 

"Jim, oh God, Jim," he heard Blair's voice and felt himself being gently raised a little. 

"What the hell's happened?" 

"I'll tell you later, just get me home, please." 

"Sure," Blair lifted him gently, cradling him in his arms. Yet still he could not help the cry that escaped when Blair got a better hold on him. 

He felt himself lain in something comfortable and flat. 

"Where? What?" he mumbled.  
"  
My car. Now be still and I'll get you home." 

Blair put a blanket over him, andhurried to the driver's seat. Blair sped towards his place. Blair was back with him in seconds and gently pulled him from the Corvair and carried him to his apartment that way. He stopped when he reached the bedroom. Then again with much care he lifted Jim into his bed and made him comfortable. 

"I'll be back in a few minutes. I won't be long, I promise you that. Just stay there, don't move." 

Blair was gone before he could reply. 

The pain began to ease a little and he found he was fighting to stay conscious again. And again he didn't succeed. 

He woke up feeling comfortable and clean. He knew he had been washed and his clothes had been removed. He was still in pain, but it had eased to a roar within him, much better than the raging tornado it had been before. He was lying on his side and yet he felt someone behind him. Carefully he turned around and saw Blair dozing on a chair there. 

Blair opened his eyes and saw him too and suddenly rushed to him. 

"Jim, are you all right? Who did this to you?" 

Jim smiled slightly, it was just what he had expected to hear. "I'll be all right now." 

"You've been..." 

"Raped," he sighed and closed his eyes. 

Blair sat there beside him and lowered his own head, his hands clenched into fists on the blankets. The shock that had set in was now turning to anger. But he tried to keep a tight hold on it, he didn't want Jim to see it. To see what he had also kept hidden for so long, he felt robbed of any chance he might have had and the intense desire to rip the person who had done this apart with his bare hands. And he knew he would enjoy it very much. 

Jim opened his eyes, "Thanks Blair." 

Blair knew better than to ask the questions he wanted to ask. 

"You're my friend, Jim. That's what friends are for. To help each other. Now go back to sleep. I'll be here. I won't leave until you want me to." 

Finding himself still drowsy he closed his eyes and did sleep. 

Blair moved away and stared out of the window. The questions he wanted to ask invaded his mind once more and echoed with the main one. Why? 

Blair covered for Jim, telling Simon he was still working on the case, still undercover. 

It took a few days but Jim slowly told him exactly what had happened. He left very little out and once he began the telling he couldn't stop. Blair held himself tightly in check. The anger was reaching boiling point. He knew he would have to do something. He was not about to let the bastard get away with the pain he had caused Jim. The pain that he now held trapped in his heart. He desperately wanted the satisfaction that only revenge could give him. Revenge that he knew Jim would seek for himself, as soon as he was able. And he also knew that he could not let Jim see what he was planning, because he was planning. 

Jim was able to get up after a week and when Blair tried to get him out for some fresh air, he found he couldn't. Not even onto the balcony. And then the Simon called and Jim reverted back to his old self, but Blair heard more than was said. He heard that Jim didn't want to see Simon, didn't want anyone else to find out what had happened to him. 

Blair felt trapped himself. There wasn't anything he could do to help Jim now. Jim could look after himself, but he was leaning on him. He still hadn't gone out and acted very strange when Blair went out for food and when he came back, the strangeness continued. It was getting hard to cope with. It had nothing to do with his senses either. 

And still he had inside himself the burning desire to go after the man who had done it. He knew he would have no peace of mind until he had taken the revenge he planned. And he had reached the point where he would do anything, absolutely anything to satisfy that desire. 

On his frequent trips out he began his hunt and soon learned all he needed to know. The main point he learned, was that his target was too well guarded. There was only one way to get close to him, he would have to infiltrate his organisation. But he didn't employ just anyone either. So Blair looked into the men who worked under him. He further learned some interesting facts and found a way to get on the inside. 

But that way involved something that made his stomach want to turn. 

His name was Terry and he preferred the company of men like his boss did. And right then he was looking for someone new. Blair thought about it a lot. And each time he saw Jim his resolve built. He would do anything to get his revenge, he didn't care what he would have to do to get where he needed to go. 

Still Jim depended on Blair and yet Blair realised that if he didn't leave, Jim would never take the initiative to care for himself or to go outside. So he decided that as he had the opportunity, he would have to go and did. 

He only told Jim he was going out, he didn't say he wasn't coming back that day, though he hoped he wouldn't be too long. But with his plans being what they were, he couldn't be sure. The only thing he felt secure about was that Jim was all right and his leaving would only be for the best. 

So on leaving. he found a small hotel room, changed and went to the bar where Terry hung out. He knew he was baiting himself and wasn't looking forward to the lure being taken, but he did it anyway. 

He sat quietly in the booth where Terry could see him and slipped casually on his drink. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw Terry look his way. He remained calm and a few minutes later he let his own eyes head Terry's way. Their eyes met. Terry smiled. Blair carefully looked away. A little while later the process was repeated, but Blair didn't look away. The lure had been accepted. 

Terry picked up his drink and walked over to Blair's booth. 

"You're new here, ain't you?" said Terry. 

Blair nodded. 

"Name's Terry, what's your's?" 

"Ben." 

Terry smiled and stared at him, under his table his hand moved onto Blair's knee. "I like you, Ben," His hand moved up his thigh, "I want you to like me." It rubbed against his groin, "Oh yes, I want you to like me a lot." 

Blair's heart beat faster. He was scared. Terry's hand continued to caress as he finished his drink. 

"Shall we go?" asked Terry saying more with his eyes. 

Blair fought to control his fear and nodded. He let Terry get him up first and followed him to the side door. As the door was closing, Terry grabbed hold of him and pushed him up against the opposite wall and kissed him. Blair tried his best to respond even though he felt sick. 

Terry's hands were back at work, undoing his belt unzipping his fly. He felt cold hands on his bare skin and shivered. 

Terry let go of his mouth and looked about, "Come with me," he said and pulled Blair to the rear of the bar and up some stairs that led to a sheltering roof. Again he pushed Blair against the wall kissing him while his hands worked his pants down to his knees and stroked him to erection. Then Terry went down on his knees and took him in his mouth. 

Blair was glad the guy worked fast. It was too fast for him to refuse, to stop. He knew if he had tried to stop him, he could be dead. Terry enjoyed what he was doing and his hands moved up to rub his chest. Blair just leaned back and let it happen. He was committed now. Terry brought him to climax and savored every bit of it before he rose to take his mouth again. As he did so his hands moved around to Blair's backside, exploring. 

"Oh Ben, I must have you. I must have you now," he said as he made Blair turn around. 

Blair heard the zip come down and the hands returned caressing his buttocks. Terry made him bend further over and opened him, then he entered. Blair tried to suppress his fear again, but a cry escaped with Terry's entrance. 

"Ah, you like me, good ," Terry continued taking the cry for passion, then he began to move. Blair bit down forcing himself into control. If he were to get anywhere he knew that this would just be the beginning. That he would be spending a great deal of time with this man, so he had to please him now. 

Terry climaxed and withdrew from him, turning him to kiss again. 

"That was good for me, I hope it was good for you. Will you come to my place? Maybe stay with me tonight? I'd like to get to know you better. I'd like to get to know you completely." 

So Blair had won him. He nodded. Terry did himself up and helped Blair finish. Then kissing him once more, led him away from the bar to his car. Then they drove to Terry's hotel room. 

Terry jabbered in the car and asked questions. Blair gave the answers he had prepared and Terry was interested in his not having a job, mentioned he might be able to help. 

Then they reached the room. Terry didn't waste much time. He kissed Blair again and began to strip him as he manuevered him towards the bedroom. He had his jacket, shirt and t-shirt off as they reached the bed and had undone his pants. He made Blair fall into the bed and stripped him of his shoes, socks and pants before he began to undress himself. 

Totally naked himself he got on the bed beside him and began to explore Blair thoroughly before making love to him again, longer and harder. 

* * *

Blair woke up with one of Terry's arms draped across him. Terry was snuggled close behind him, so he chose not to move. Terry had taken him several times during the night and was more than pleased with him. But now Blair lay there thinking that he wasn't happy with the situation. This man was not the lover he really wanted. He would rather prefer to sleep with someone he loved. 

And yet he was doing this in part for Jim. He wanted to get to the bastard who had raped him and Terry was the first step on the ladder he would have to climb to get to him. He knew there was a name for what he was doing, but he didn't care. He remembered the anger and the pain, that was enough incentive. 

Terry's hands began to caress him again and he let go of his thoughts as he found his body in demand once more. 

Terry promised to see if he could get him a job and Blair smiled. 

"Meet me at the bar tonight, okay," said Terry as he dressed and left. 

Blair took a while to get up and get dressed. He found himself a little stiff and sore from Terry's demands, but he knew he would have to check on Jim. His friend would have spent the night alone and quite possibly was climbing the walls. Blair hoped not. He had hoped he had coped like he had. Yet he realised that he would have to lie to Jim. There was no way he was going to tell him about his night. He didn't want Jim knowing anything about his whole plan. 

"Where the hell have you been? I got worried. I thought something might have happened to you. I almost rang the Simon. Damn it, don't do that again." 

"Jim, I can't stay here all the time. I've been missing from the Uni long enough as it is. I don't like being cooped up to long, you know that. And you've got to learn to be by yourself again. I've got a life to lead too." 

"A life to lead!" Jim stopped when he saw the hurt look on Blair. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. I take it back, I -- I just... suppose I just need some time to get things back in order. But you did worry me." 

"I'm sorry. I did it for you. As it is, I just came back to make sure you were all right." 

"You're leaving again?" 

"Yes. I've got things to do and I've got to get back to work." 

Jim nodded and sat down, "I'll be all right I suppose. I'll have to be all right, won't I?" 

Blair sighed, "Yes, you will. Do you want anything before I go?" 

"No," said Jim putting his head in his hands, looking miserable. 

Blair's heart ached, but he forced himself to leave while he still could. He knew Jim could twist him around if he wanted to, and he could see that he did then. 

* * *

Terry's face lit up when he saw Blair walk into the bar. He motioned him to a booth and had a drink for him too. 

"Good news, Ben, you can work with me. The boss wants Carl, my usual partner, to do some other business for him, so I need a new partner. You're it, in more ways than one." Terry's hand caressed his thigh under the table and touched his groin with the last sentence. 

Blair smiled and gulped down his drink. 

They had a few more celebratory drinks before Terry persuaded him to leave and return to his place so they could celebrate in other ways. 

The next morning Terry led him to a different car, a green mustang, and they drove to a warehouse. Terry mentioned something about meeting the boss and Blair felt his heart pounding. 

Forcing himself into tight control he came face to face with the man who had raped Jim. They shook hands and Blair was surprised at how Terry openly flaunted his relationship with Blair in front of him. Yet the boss seemed pleased by it. He even made a joke about trying him for himself. Blair smiled at the joke, he wouldn't mind getting that close, not one bit. 

* * *

Jim got used to Blair's less frequent visits, believing the tale that Blair had too much work to do and was sleeping in his office to stay caught up. And yet he began to see changes in his friend. A certain hardness had settled in, his hyperactivity had become buried. And though Blair appeared to look his old self, Jim could see little things. Dark circles under his eyes, the way he seemed to seat himself carefully and Jim could smell the unmistakable scent of liquor and cigarette smoke around him. 

And Blair's visits were usually short, as if he were nervous about being there for too long. That he should be somewhere else instead of there. 

Yet Jim had to put things back together and told Blair so. Told him of going out shopping, driving the truck, even going to visit Simon at the station. He had lied to Simon, told him that the undercover had come to nothing, and that he'd like some leave, he had plenty coming to him. He was glad that it pleased Blair and yet when he offered to take Blair out so they could go see a movie or something, he noticed how quickly Blair buried that idea and made him promise not to come to the uni, not unless asked to. 

Somehow Blair's strange behaviour worried him. Worried him enough to look into it. He called the Uni trying to convince himself that nothing was wrong. But when the Uni told him that Blair had been on leave for nearly four months, then he really began to worry. He had never known Blair to lie to him before. Four months. That was since that horrible day... 

He sat down trying to figure out why Blair would lie and what the hell he had been doing in all that time. He was obviously doing something to keep himself fed and in shelter, but what? 

Yet on Blair's next visit, even though he heard lies coming at him, he found he could not say anything. He just sat carefully. And what was that mark on his neck? The smell of beer on his breath. And why couldn't he meet his eyes? 

He became quiet himself. Silence fell between them like some wall. It made Blair nervous so he made his excuses and left. Jim wanted to get up and follow him. To solve the mystery, to break into the wall of lies Blair had built between them. Jim was sure Simon knew nothing about it either, and he believed it had everything to do with what had happened to him. 

The thought jolted him. What if Blair were up to something because of that? It might explain the lies. But why would Blair take that on? Why would he go overboard to go after the bastard? Sure they were friends, but this could prove dangerous. Very dangerous. The bastard belonged to the mafia. It scared Jim, yet it was the only explanation he could think of. He resolved that he would follow Blair next time. He had to follow. He had to know what was doing. 

* * *

Blair lay in bed, Terry draped across him asleep after spending himself upon him. His head ached, just thinking about the lies he was telling Jim had that effect. He hated it. He also hated being in Terry's bed, but he would stay until he had reached his goal. 

And the work he was doing made him even sicker. If the Simon and Jim ever found out... He dreaded to think about it. That he had become a drug dealer, delivering heroin to buyers, selling it and taking the money back to their boss. But the bastard was pleased with his work, it was yet another step closer. 

He tried to repress thinking of what might happen later. Thinking of the price this would cost. He knew he had gone too far to turn back. There was no way out now this anger had put him into a position from which there was no escape. He knew he had let it blind himself for the future, of the consequences of his current action. He was in too deep and all because of love, an unrequited love. But he couldn't afford to let himself become regretful. It was too late. He had to see it through to the end. 

* * *

Tracking Blair in the truck was impossible, Jim soon realised. The place where Blair apparently lived was seedy and the F150 stood out like a red flag. 

So calling in another friend, Jim obtained the use of a beat up old van which would not stand out in the world where Blair moved. 

He saw Blair leave the hotel, in a completely different set of clothes. Blue jeans, plain leather jacket, and a beanie on his head. He looked a totally different person. He even seemed to walk differently, even Jim felt he would not like to meet him in any dark alley. 

A green mustang pulled up down the road from the place and Jim saw Blair get in. He heard the car, the sound was too familiar. He knew that car. He was sure he knew it. 

It pulled up at the bar and Jim saw Blair get out, then he saw the driver. His hands gripped the steering wheel. He knew the blonde man, he was the one that threw the hood over his head. Jim felt sick as he sat in the van waiting for the pair to re-emerge from the bar. He did not have very long to wait. He followed the green mustang slowly, to yet another hotel. He saw just as they went in the door that the blonde man put his arm around Blair's shoulder and draw his head close. Then he lost him. 

Jim noticed a hotel was directly across the road and hurried inside it.. He hired a room that might give him a good view of the one across the road and hurried up to it. He felt strange spying on Blair. But he had to know why he had gone into the hotel with that man. What kind of business they would do there. The last thing he saw stuck in his mind, the way the blonde drew Blair close. It twisted his stomach. 

Jim went to the window and began his search, dialling up his sight carefully. The hotel was obviously a place lots of prostitutes used. He left like a peeping tom looking in on some of their business. Room after room he saw them as he slowly scanned. He reached the fourth floor, more of the hookers, their clients, two men locked in an embrace... He went back quickly, one of them was the blonde. They were stripping each other as they were locked together, moving towards the bed. They fell onto it half naked and the blonde man continued to strip his partner, hands and mouth busily devouring naked skin, coming to a halt between the other's legs. Jim closed his eyes momentarily, he felt dirty, like a voyeur. He wanted to be sick. But he opened his eyes and continued to watch. 

The blonde man finished what he was doing and stripped off the rest of his clothes. The he urged the other further into the bed and entered him. 

Jim moved his sight to get a better look at the other's face, but it was unreadable, caught somewhere between pleasure and pain. Jim dropped his eyes, he couldn't watch any more. He couldn't believe what he had seen. Couldn't believe that Blair would give himself like that, to that man! When Jim finally looked again, the pair were dressing. He had to shake himself back into action, it was obvious that they were about to leave and he still wanted to follow. If Blair had gone that far, where else would the trail lead him. He got down to the van before they came out of the hotel and got into the mustang. They drove off and he followed at a safe distance. The mustang drove to a warehouse and he stopped a little up from it. He shivered when he heard the door rise, he knew this place. It was the place he had been taken to, the place where he was raped. The mustang went in and pulled up. Blair and the blonde man got out and stood just inside the doorway. A black limo. He wanted to start up the van and run, but he held himself there. 

The man walked up to the pair in the doorway. He ruffled the blonde man's hair and touched Blair under his jaw, then put his arms around both of their shoulders and drew them inside. The door closed as they disappeared. 

Jim lay his head upon the wheel. He knew what Blair was up to. He was trying to get close to that bastard. Probably close enough to kill him. He had given himself to the flunkie so he could get that close and it seemed he was succeeding. 

But why would Blair go so far? Hadn't he thought of the consequences? Jim looked up at the closed door and realised that he probably hadn't. To kill that man would be signing his death warrant. They would find him and they would kill him too. Why hadn't he thought about it? 

Then Jim remembered the day he had called Blair. Remembered the shock, the pain mirrored in his eyes and the underlaying anger. The way Blair could appear calm and yet be exploding within. He should have seen it then. He should have seen the signs for what they were. He had worried about Simon going overboard, why hadn't he thought the same for Blair? 

The clatter of the door opening pulled him out of his thoughts. The mustang was coming out with its two passengers. They were farewelled by the bastard as they left and Jim had to push himself into keeping them in sight. He couldn't let the bastard distract him now. He had to keep following Blair. The mustang went into a garage and the door closed behind it. Jim quickly hopped out of the van and carefully found a window. Inside he saw Blair and the blonde get out of the car. Blair was carrying a briefcase. They walked up to a man seated at a makeshift table smoking a cigar. He had two men standing at his shoulders. Blair put the case down. One of the others did the same with another case. As the blonde man went to open this new case, the cigar smoker motioned his man to open Blair's case. 

Jim watched carefully. In the case the blonde inspected the money. Lots of money. In Blair's case there were large packages of white powder. Jim's heart sank. In doing what he was doing, Blair had become a drug dealer. He had gone in all the way. Jim crept away from the window in a kind of daze. He got into the van and sat there staring at the road. 

Jim knew he could never tell the Simon about this, not one part of it. And he hoped he would not have to try and explain Blair's disappearance either. It would mean the end for them. But then he thought again. What did it matter anyway? If Blair went through with his plans, he wouldn't iive long enough to see anyone ever again. 

The mustang came out of the garage and drove off again. Jim continued to follow. At a set of traffic lights he saw another car pull up beside the mustang. It was there he saw the briefcase, probably containing the money from the deal, passed to the other car by Blair. The lights changed and the other car went off to the right, while the mustang continued on, taking them back to the hotel. Jim stayed only long enough to see the pair go back inside, he could guess what they were going to do and it disgusted him. He had to go home. He had to figure out some way of stopping Blair. 

Jim paced the living room of his apartment. He didn't know what to do. He had been up all night trying to find some way of getting Blair to stop what he was doing. It wasn't because the bastard didn't deserve to die for what he did, it was because Blair didn't deserve having to pay the price for doing it. His mind kept throwing why at him. Why did Blair go so far? Sleeping with the blonde flunkie, a drug dealer, why? Then how? How could he stop him? How could he show Blair that he was thinking about him, his life in the balance? And he brought himself right down by blaming himself. 

He jumped with the knock at the door. He hadn't heard it coming, his senses were in a mess too. But it was Blair's knock. Somehow he had gone to sleep on the couch and now Blair had come to see him. He gripped the seat as he sat at it's edge. He was afraid to go to the door. Afraid to face Blair now that he knew everything. Afraid of hearing the lies come again. 

The knock came again, more urgent. He hurried to the door and opened it. He forgot to take the chain off. 

"Jim, are you all right?" Blair asked through the crack in the door. 

"Sure, I was just asleep. You woke me up." 

"Oh, I'm sorry... Are you going to let me in?" 

"Ah..." he closed the door, released the chain and opened it again. 

Blair was wearing his smile. The smile that told Jim lies. 

"I finally get the chance to get away and you don't want to let me in." 

Jim had his back to him as he closed the door. The half lie made him wince, but Blair couldn't see it. 

"How have you been?" 

"I'm fine. What about you?" he turned to Jim him their eyes met briefly, then Blair's fell. "You seem a little under the weather." 

That brought Blair's eyes up again, "What?" 

Jim had to drop his gaze now, "I mean, well... you look a little under the weather." 

"Oh, it's nothing. Probably some bug. Uni's full of them, you know." 

"Sure." Jim sat down, his eyes on the floor. 

Blair sat and silence reigned. 

"Jim, are you sure you're all right?" 

"Yes I'm all right. I'm fine. I've gotten over it. I just want to forget it ever happened. I don't want to be reminded about it." 

Blair's eyes widened at the sudden outburst. Jim was angry. The first anger he had seen in months. 

"Sure Jim." He leaned back in the seat wishing he hadn't made his plans. Too late. Far too late. 

Jim closed his eyes. He didn't mean it to come out that way. It was no way to convince him that all was well and would he please stop what he was doing and go home. Revenge just wasn't worth the price. 

They were in silence again. Each thinking his own thoughts. 

"I've got to go. I've got things to do," said Blair suddenly. 

Jim's eyes shot up, "No. Blair please... I mean... don't..." 

Blair gave him a confused look. 

"I mean I'm okay. Really. I've learned how to handle it. If I forget it happened, I'm okay. I don't care if the bastard gets away with it... I've put things back together again. It's in the past now." 

Blair wanted to close his eyes. He wanted to tell Jim everything. 

"That's good, Jim. I've got to go though. They'll miss me and I'll get in trouble again. I'll see you... Take care of yourself." 

Blair turned walked to the door, opened it and closed it behind him. 

Jim just stood there staring at the door. He felt as if Blair had just said goodbye. 

* * *

Blair went straight to his own hotel room and immediately collapsed on his bed. He could not stop the tears as they came. He had just said goodbye to Jim. He figured he would never see him again. And he had not been able to tell him anything, now he never would. 

And he remembered Jim's words, they echoed in his mind... "I don't care if the bastard gets away with it--' The anger and the pain that he saw in Jim. His own anger began to build as he turned over onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He cared. The bastard was not going to get away with it. 

Then he remembered something. He had taken it as part of his boss's actions, but there was something about it... When he and Terry had picked up the stuff to take to the buyer, he had watched Terry pack them into the briefcase. The boss still had his arm over Blair's shoulder, but he felt it move down and settle into one of the back pockets of his jeans. The boss grinned at him as his hand moved on his backside, Blair took it for granted at the time, but now. He grabbed the jeans. 

He reached for the pocket and felt a slip of paper in it. He pulled it out and read it. His smile grew larger, now the opportunity was even closer than he had thought. The piece of paper read, 'After the next job.' And Blair knew exactly what that meant. The phone disturbed his thoughts. He got off the bed to answer it. It was Terry and he wanted to see him. Blair agreed and hurriedly got changed into the jeans from where he had retrieved the paper and went downstairs. Terry was already outside waiting for him. 

"What's up?" asked Blair. 

Terry looked at him strangely, "Nothing. Come on, get in. I'm in the mood for some company." 

Blair shrugged. He really wasn't in the mood for what Terry wanted, but he knew he had to go. 

Terry drove straight to his place and was out of the car in a hurry. 

"Hey, what's the rush?" 

"Got some business to do later," answered Terry. 

"Important?" 

"Yes, very important. So come on," he demanded. 

Blair followed, he didn't like being ordered around like that. Terry and never done that before. He always seemed to enjoy his time with Blair. It was never hurried before, except when Terry was exceptionally randy. Yet even then he never acted like he did then. They got in the door. 

"Take your clothes off, I'll join you in a minute," continued Terry going into the kitchen. 

Again Blair hesitated. This was not like other times. Terry nearly always stripped him, himself. What could be wrong this time? He slowly began to undress and got as far as his waist when Terry returned with a can of beer in his hand. He gulped some down and sat on the bed undressing himself. He did not look at Blair. Blair continued even slower. He had only done this to get closer to the boss. He had never enjoyed what Terry did to him, now he wondered why he should continue. Terry finished the can as he finished undressing. 

"I told you I have to go out, get a move on," Terry demanded. 

Blair turned to look at him, "I don't think I want to." 

"You bloody will," said Terry and he launched himself at Blair knocking them both to the floor. Terry landed on his back and yanked the rest of his pants off, moved into position and entered him there on the floor. 

"Shit. Terry?" 

"Shut up." He began to move with force. 

"Terry please." 

But Terry only thrust at him harder and it hurt. "Come on, Ben. What's the matter? Don't like it like this?" 

Blair grimaced and fought for breath, "No." 

Terry laughed, "The boss likes it this way. Did you know that? Oh yes, he likes to take you by force. But you'd know that already." 

Blair tried to raise himself from under Terry, but Terry lay upon him with all his weight. 

"Yes, you should know that," went on Terry pumping hard knowing he was hurting Blair. He finally came and collapsed just a little, but he stayed in Blair, lowering his head to Blair's ear. "What's your real name, huh?" 

Blair's eyes opened, but he still couldn't move. He felt Terry move a little, reaching for something, then he felt cold steel at the back of his neck. 

"You were followed today, Ben." 

Something ran down Blair's spine with the revelation. 

"We know who you went to see. You've made the boss very angry, you bastard. And you've used me too, haven't you?" 

Terry withdrew and stood over him. "I'd kill you myself, but the boss wants to know your game. Get up, slowly." 

Blair let out his breath. They had seen him go to Jim's. 

Terry kicked him, "I said get up. I might not be able to kill you, but I'd get enough pleasure putting a hole in you where you won't die." 

Blair knew he meant it. He slowly raised himself, he still hurt a bit too from Terry's force. He made it to his feet. 

"Get your clothes on." Terry sat back on the bed holding the gun on him. 

Blair obeyed, there was nothing else he could do. 

"Now turn around and put your hands behind your back. Try anything and I'll shoot you." 

Blair turned and put his hands behind his back. Terry put a pair of cuffs on his wrists and pushed him onto the bed. 

Then Terry hurriedly dressed himself yanked Blair up by his collar and dragged him towards the door. He pushed him heavily into the door. 

"Now we're going downstairs. You attract attention at all and you'll regret it." 

Terry pulled him back, shoved the gun into his pants, opened the door and forced Blair out that way. 

It was dark outside and Terry stopped at the car, he forced Blair into the back of the mustang roughly. Blair lay across the seat and Terry tied his legs quickly and hooked the rope through the cuffs tightly. 

Blair cried out with the painful position only to be rewarded with a gag being shoved in his mouth. Then Terry smiled. 

"You are a fool. Being connected to that cop is going to buy you a lot of trouble. You're gonna tell us everything, 'coz the boss sure wants to know what you had planned. I liked you. You pleased me. But you're also going to pay for using me too. Oh yes, you are going to pay." 

Terry slammed the door and hurried to the driver's seat and drove off, heading for the warehouse. As Terry pulled to a halt inside the warehouse, Blair heard the door closing and heard other men coming to the car. Several pairs of hands released the rope and dragged him from the car. Besides Terry there were three others, he had seen them all before. Two were the boss' bodyguard, the other was Terry's former partner. The boss wasn't there yet. 

Terry's old partner looked closely at Blair, "You've been screwing around with him? Doesn't look much. Short and skinny, pretty face though." 

"He isn't much. He used me to get to the boss. Now we gotta find out what he was planning to do then." 

"Well boys, this should be fun. Come on, let's take him upstairs, we don't want him messing up down here where the boss's limo gonna get parked." 

The two bodyguards easily picked him up and took him up the stairs and into a large room there. They pushed him into the centre of the room and stood around him. Blair could see Terry's anger and knew he was looking forward to hitting him. The others however grinned, as if he were a mouse trapped and they were to feed on him. 

"So Terry, we gotta make him talk. How about you start the questioning?" said his ex-partner. 

Terry grinned at him, "With pleasure." 

He advanced on Blair who stood very still, ready to take anything they gave. It didn't really matter what happened to him now, he knew he had failed to do what he set out to do and he would never get another chance. And he had said goodbye to Jim. Terry hit him hard in the stomach, forcing him to double over, but a punch to his face almost threw him onto his side except that he was caught by the ex-partner and pushed back to his feet. 

"Stop playing with him, Terry. He deserves a lot more than those little taps of yours. Something like this." 

He still had hold of Blair's collar. He threw the other hand across Blair's face, once, twice, three times and then let go suddenly so Blair almost fell backwards. They let him gain his feet. 

"Once, we still gotta find out his plans," warned Terry. 

"Yeah, you're right. Sam, some take hold of this bastard." 

One of the bodyguards came over and took a strong hold of Blair from behind. Then Vince threw several punches at Blair's stomach again until he gained a groan from him. 

"Now we know you came to us for a reason. You caught poor Terry here in the web you cast out. Played as bait to bring him in. Used him to get friendly with the boss. We all know what the boss did to your cop friend, he your lover, huh? Want some sort of revenge, hey? Your lover lose interest in you?" 

Blair's eyes reached for Vince's. He was angry now and he pulled against Sam's hold. 

But Vince grinned, "Didn't like the boss taking your precious lover, idiot. Didn't think we'd catch on to you. You've turned yourself into a whore and what have you got? You've got yourself caught. What did you want to do? Kill the boss, trap him into letting something important out so you could tell your cop lover? Even if you succeeded we'd have caught you." Downstairs they heard the roll-a-door opening. 

Vince punched him again, "Talk you bastard." Blair groaned again, but still his eyes came back to Vince's. 

"You are a stubborn one. The boss'll get it out of you." 

They heard someone coming up the stairs and they all waited as the door opened to admit the boss. 

He let his expensive coat fall from his shoulders into his other bodyguard's waiting hands and came closer. 

"So, he's a friend of my big buff cop, is he? Said anything?" 

"No boss," answered Vince. 

The boss smiled and motioned him out of the way. He looked at Terry, "Really got suckered this time, didn't you?" Then he set his eyes on Blair. "My boys think you came here to kill me. Took your time though, didn't you? You've had chances, why didn't you? 

Blair's hatred surfaced, "Because the circumstances weren't right." 

The boss smiled again, "Weren't right? So what would you consider the right time?" 

"After the next job," quoted Blair. 

The boss nodded, "So that's it. That's why you wanted to get into my bed, so you could kill me. All because I had a little fun with your friend. He must mean a lot to you, more than even he knows?" 

Blair held his eyes and in his anger he spat at him. The boss stood there momentarily, his bodyguard was beside him in seconds offering a handkerchief. The boss accepted and cleaned his Jim. His smile was gone when he turned back to Blair. 

"So I took away something you wanted and you've come after me. Using my people to get there. Well, you've done more than that. You belong to me now, do you realise that? That's why you were followed. I had to make sure you weren't connected to cops or one of my rivals. And what do I find? I find that you are connected, but you want to kill me because I had a little fun with your lover. He's got more brains than you. He knew well enough to forget it. He knew he had to, it wouldn't look good being fucked by me. But you, you can't, can you? And you know what? I'm not going to kill you. No. As I said, you belong to me, you can't get out. I can't afford you getting away now. You know too much and I abhor killing. Why do you think your friend left here alive? I could have killed him when I tired of him, but I didn't. I let him go, I knew he couldn't come back. Couldn't go to the cops. And he didn't know anything. You do though. No. You are going to get part of what you wanted. Tonight you are staying with me." 

The boss had a room next door to the one they were in. It was there they took Blair. The bodyguards stripped him and tied him to the bed, leaving him. He was alone for a time and he realised that this room was the same one the boss had used to rape Jim. He tried to think. They weren't going to kill him, then what were they going to do? The first chance he got he knew he would try to escape. 

Then the boss came in alone. He sat down on the bed beside him, his hand glided down his chest and stomach. He shivered. "Oh scared are we? You got into Terry's bed easily enough. You were willing to get into mine when you thought you'd have the chance of killing me. Or is it because you never had your lover." He felt Blair stiffen, "Oh yes, I know. He was a virgin when I took him. What held you back?" 

The boss got off the bed and began to undress, "Yet you wanted revenge from me because of what I did to him. You were too slow. You should have done it sooner, then you wouldn't have all this trouble. You see I'm not stupid. I told you I'm not going to kill you, and I spoke the truth. Yet I know you would seek to get away," he laughed a short laugh, "It was Terry who thought of a way to keep you with us. To make you dependant on us. That you will learn in the morning when I turn you back to him. He'll look after you. But now I have to pay you back. No one spits in my face and gets away with it." 

He got on the bed between Blair's tied legs and with no warning thrust into him painfully. Blair cried out, he still hurt a little from Terry's earlier attack, now he was being raped by the same man who had raped Jim. He didn't sleep much that night. When the boss wasn't riding him, he had to contend with the pain. So when Terry came in and cut one of his arms free it didn't make him feel any better. Terry sat on the bed beside him, "I'd kill you, but the boss would do the same to me. You bastard. You're my responsibility now. I gotta make sure you don't get away. Well, I thought of a way to keep you here and I'm glad you're not going to like it. I'm glad it's gonna make you hurt." 

He forced the free arm into a different position before he retied it. "You're gonna stay in my bed too. To keep your mind off your precious lover. You'll have to forget him and you know, he won't want to know you after this," Terry produced a needle and a rubber thong. "This is the only way you'll ever get your share of the boss' profits. He's always got some to spare, so you won't go without. That is until you're hooked, then I might make you beg for it. After all, I have to pay you back for using me." 

He took hold of Blair's arm, put the thong around it making the vein stand out. Blair tried to struggle against it. Terry brought the needle down, but he refused to beg him not to do it. The needle went into the vein and Terry pushed the heroin into his bloodstream. Blair let his body go slack as the needle and thong were removed. He watched Terry smiling in triumph. 

Terry looked down at him, saw the horrified expression and the defeat. He also surveyed his nakedness. 

"You'll beg for it later. You'll want whatever I can give you. But right now, I want to take." He began to undress as Blair began to fly. Soon Terry's hand felt wonderful upon him and he actually smiled when Terry took him in and brought him to climax. His brain took no notice when he was cut free, he just allowed himself to be rolled over. Then Terry entered him and he rose to meet him. The pain of the boss's rape was nonexistent, he just enjoyed the ecstasy of Terry's ride because of the high he was in. Terry was surprised himself. He had never gotten that kind of reaction from him before and Blair exhausted him too. 

Terry kept Blair flying and enjoyed the sex he got too, but he knew it was also dangerous to keep him high too long, even if it were gratifying. He held off, allowing Blair to come down to earth, besides he had other work to do. 

A whole week had passed before Blair regained his senses. He was still in the boss's bed, but the bonds had long been removed. There was the unmistakable smell of sex on the bed and he felt used as well. The old pain grabbed at him when he moved. Yet he was slightly confused about what had happened. As he flexed his arms though he felt sensation in one and looked closely at it. The sight of the needle tracks brought it all back to him with the force of a blow. They were trying to make him an addict. He didn't know a week had passed. But by the amount of tracks he knew some days had gone by. And he thought of Jim. They had followed him to Jim's place, they knew he had gone to see him. Had they made a move on Jim? 

No. His mind told him. He remembered a conversation with Terry, somewhere in the heights he had told Terry about Jim. He had told him that he loved him but that he had never had the courage to tell him so. And that Jim knew nothing at all about what he was up to now, would have stopped him if he had. The door opened admitting Terry. 

"So, you're awake at last. And down to earth too. You know you're much more fun when you're high. You never did those kind of things before. You never really enjoyed me, did you? But I've got you now. Well and truly got you. You'll soon be a junkie. You don't like that either, do you? A dealer that's also a junkie. Come on now, you'll be wanting this," Terry pulled a needle out, but Blair shrank away. 

"It's already in your blood. If you wait too long it will get hungry. It will twist it's coils around you and wring you out. You'll be sorry 'coz I'll just sit there and watch until you beg me to give it to you." 

Blair closed his eyes. He knew that everything Terry said would come true. He had seen what the stuff could do to a person. While his eyes were closed, Terry approached stripping his belt from his pants, he sat on the bed beside Blair and reached for his arm. Blair resisted a little, but not much. Terry put the belt around his arm and tightened it, then inserted the needle. 

"Perhaps it will make you forget about your lover, the one you never had. The one you will never have." 

* * *

Jim began to worry. He had wanted to follow Blair the moment he left, but Simon had called him, his leave was over and Jim was needed back on the job. He was torn about what to do, but then maybe he could get something on the bastard at work. Perhaps he could get him arrested before Blair tried anything 

The man was a drug dealer from the east coast, yet no-one knew he was in Cascade as yet. No-one had ever gotten much on him either, anyone that got close either dropped the case or quit the force. And Jim knew one of the reasons why. He thought back to his undercover case and realised that it had gotten him noticed by the man. Maybe he didn't know Jim was a cop back then, but raping him had had a devesting effect on him. And Blair. 

He decided to borrow his friend's van again. He had to go back to that part of town and find out for himself what was going on with his friend. It was easy to find the hotel Blair was using. And easy to bribe the manager to let him in Blair's room.He didn;t want him to know he was a cop. 

Inside he found Blair's usual clothes. It was obvious that he had not been there in some time too. He remembered the other hotel too, and just like before he went across the road. But when he located the room the blonde man used, he found that now a new hooker was using it and she was totally engrossed in her customer. 

There was just one more place to look. He saw the boss' limo drive in. He saw the green mustang. He saw the blonde man, but he was with someone else. Another face that Jim recognised, the other one who had kidnapped him. So they were back together again. Where was Blair? He had to stay now. He had to know. Horrible thoughts began to creep in. What if Blair had made his move and got caught? What of he were already dead? He would never see him again... 

The boss came into the room. 

"So, how's our little prostitute then?" 

Terry looked at the boss with a curious expression. 

"Well, he is isn't he? He got into your bed readily enough, trying to work his way up to me. Prostituting himself to get to me." 

Terry nodded, "He doesn't like it when I don't give him his fix." 

"He doesn't look too good now." 

"That's 'coz I'm not letting him have it, not yet." 

"Why?" 

"Because he isn't doing what I want him to do." 

"And what's that?" 

"He's not getting his fix until he begs me for it. You want him with us, then that's the way. He's got to beg me, tell me he'll do anything for it." 

"You still want him?" 

"Yes boss. He's learned how to please me. In fact he's so much better on the stuff. He's a junkie now, a slave to the stuff. And you could say I'm getting my revenge by keeping him in my bed. He really didn't want to be there before, now it's all he's got." 

"And you think you can get him get him working too?" 

"Yes boss. He's got to earn the stuff now, doesn't he. He'll do it or he'll suffer for it. Watch boss. Watch him beg me now, 'coz he will. I know he will." 

Terry moved over to the bed where Blair was now tied. He had been tied since Terry had left him that morning. He was shaking, his whole body ached with need. He needed another fix, he had to have the stuff in his veins. He had to satisfy the cruel addiction, it clawed at his insides. And he begged Terry for it. Promising him everything. He was selling his soul and he didn't care as long as he took away the pain. 

Terry smiled at the boss and gave Blair the injection. "You want to try him boss? He's always at his best just after this." 

The boss nodded and Terry cut Blair free. 

"Come back for him later, he can go out with you this afternoon. But this is his home for now on. You want to sleep with him, you do it here." 

Terry nodded and took the boss' coat from him as he left the room. The boss stripped and got onto the bed beside Blair. 

"So little prostitute, you'd better show me a good time or you'll get no reward later." 

Blair didn't care who it was, the angry worm in his veins was being sated. He moved under the boss only because of that, as a reaction to that. But the boss enjoyed his ride, only the boy he kept in his own bed gave him the same kind of satisfaction as he got then. But he would not be tempted. He would never forget that Blair fully intended to kill him. 

Jim was getting tired of watching the warehouse. But his senses were acting up and he didn;t want to risk a zone, not here. The awful feeling that something terrible had happened to Blair would not leave. But watching that place wasn't getting him anywhere. He was beginning to think he had better contact the Simon, tell him everything. All about the rape, Blair's caring for him, his getting into the rapists organization with revenge in mind, and his sudden disappearance. 

The door of the warehouse opened and the limo came out. Jim watched it leave. He could now predict what would happen next. He knew the green mustang would be the next car to leave, to go out on yet another deal. The blonde man and the other inside. 

He sighed when the car did come out. He saw the blonde was driving as usual, but his passenger wasn't the one he expected. He sat up suddenly bumping his head on the roof of the van. The other person was Blair! 

After days of watching and not seeing him, believing he was probably dead, then he turns up. Jim got the van moving. He had to stay on their trail, he had to have another look, he had to be sure his eyes were not deceiving him. The green mustang went into an alley and stopped near another car. Jim knew he couldn't stop, it would be too suspicious, he drove around the block. As he did so, he found a position from where he could see the two cars and not be seen himself, behind a high mesh fence. 

His eyes hadn't lied. Blair did get out of the car and he was carrying a case. Jim watched the whole deal go down, watching Blair closely. He seemed different somehow, he seemed to be enjoying what he was doing, he inspected the money exchange carefully, he smiled at the blonde man. The deal ended and the other car drove off. Jim watched the blonde and Blair slap hands happily and jump back into the car and drive back to the warehouse. 

Jim parked again where he could see inside the warehouse. He saw them get out of the car and watched as the blonde put his arm over Blair's shoulder as they handed the case of money to another. He saw the blonde's free hand slip into Blair's jeans and the mutual nods and saw them start up the stairs as the door began to come down again. Jim didn't understand. He had watched the place for days, no sign of his friend. Then he turns up and it's business as usual, only now they were using that room upstairs for their activities. What had Blair been doing? Where had he been all those days? 

Jim remembered that room. Remembered that it did have a window, one that was mostly covered, there was a small slit that let daylight in. It was getting dark and he was so curious, he had seen that small change. He had to know what caused that change. Why did Blair suddenly seem to enjoy what he was doing? Jim got out of the van and walked down the road a little, trying to figure out where that window was. He finally spotted it when he saw a light go on, then out. He also spotted a way to get up to it. Making sure he wasn't being watched, he quickly walked over to that side of the road and worked his way to the place he had spotted. There was a fire escape. And the ladder was down. Moving as silently as he could, he climbed the ladder up to the landing where the window was, the slit was still there, it was big enough for him to look in and not be seen. 

They were on the bed and the blonde man was making love to him, but this time Jim could see Blair responding. Rising up to meet him, moaning in ecstasy. And the blonde was working hard too, also clearly enjoying himself. He climaxed. The blonde withdrew and Blair turned over to Jim him, hands running over his chest. Thenhe watched the blonde man get up, give something to Blair before disappearing into the toilet. 

Blair sat up on the edge of the bed facing Jim. He picked up a belt from the floor and looped it before attaching it to his upper arm. Then he unwrapped the white handkerchief that the blonde had given him. Jim's eyes went wide when he saw the belt go on, but he felt sick when he watched Blair pick up the needle and inject himself. Jim closed his eyes and sat back. Now he understood the change. The reason why Blair was missing. They had got him hooked on junk. But why? 

He heard the blonde come back in and again looked through the slit. Blair had slipped back onto the bed, laying on his back. He saw the blonde smile and slide his hands over Blair's chest and down. He saw him stroke and lean down. He couldn't watch any more. 

He wasn't sure how he had made it back to the van. He just found himself at its door. He got in and drove home, there were tears in his eyes and he wasn't sure why. 

* * *

Terry stopped at the bar they used to haunt. "Come on, let's have a few drinks before we go back. It's okay, the boss won't mind. You've done well this past month." 

Blair just sat there. 

"Oh come on, I know you want some privacy too, the toilet's okay, do it there." 

Blair nodded but didn't lose his grumpy expression. 

Terry got them some drinks and got them a booth, but Blair just sat there, his eyes on the toilet door. 

"Go on, don't take too long thought, and don't let anyone see you." 

Blair got up and made his way in. He was pleased to find no one in there and quickly stripped off his belt and jacket. He put the belt around his arm, but just as he was about to reach for his kit with the needle inside, he heard someone coming. He quickly moved into a stall to wait. Whoever came in didn't seem to be doing anything. He wiped sweat off his brow and slipped the belt off his arm. He didn't like the silence. Carefully he pushed the door open, the person was standing at the sinks facing him. 

Their eyes met. 

"Shit! Jim, what the hell are you doing here?" 

"I came to see you. I know what you've been up to." 

Blair clenched his teeth together, he had not expected this. 

"When you didn't come to see me I got worried. Just before your last visit I found out about it. I know you went after the bastard, but you're not now, are you?" Blair could see Jim's anger. 

"Well, why don't you get on with it. I also know why you came in here." 

Blair had forgotten that he was holding his jacket and belt, though he had covered his arms. "What?" 

Jim grabbed his jacket and pulled it away. "You can't keep lying to me," he grabbed his wrist, "You can't hide that lie from me." 

Blair looked down at the needle tracks on his arm then he pulled it from Jim's hold. "Go away Jim. If you're found with me, they'll kill you." 

"And not you!" 

"No, they won't kill me. They own me now. They caught me Jim, they found out why I got in... Now I can't get out. Go away Jim, forget about me. Tell Simon that it's over, but don't tell him why. I've got to live with what I've got now. I've got to live with this." 

"Just tell me one thing, why? Why did you start all this in the first place? And don't you dare lie to me. I'll know it." 

Blair closed his eyes and felt the angry worm gnaw at him. He opened his eyes wildly spurred by the pain. "I wanted to get that bastard for what he did to you. I wanted to tear his heart out for the pain he gave you. You want to know why," he laughed a short laugh. "Then I'll tell you. I loved you, Jim. I mean love. To see what that bastard did to you --" 

He closed his eyes fighting back everything as the worm burrowed deeper. "Leave me alone, Jim. Everything's gone wrong now. He owns me. He made me what I am now, out of his own revenge. Get out now. Forget me. You can't help me. You just make more trouble. I'm a junkie, Jim, and I need... Just get out!" 

Jim felt fear, Blair seemed wild. "Blair." 

"Leave me, please. I'm in too deep, there's no escape now. Please Jim, forget it all. I'm no good to you or anyone any more," he said a little gentler turning his back. He pushed the stall door open and went in without looking back. He locked it as well. 

Jim stared at the door a while, he wanted to say more. To try and persuade Blair out. but he knew Blair wouldn't listen. He slowly walked out. 

Blair leaned against the wall. Somehow the worm's pain didn't seem half as bad. But then he had just sent away the one person on earth that he loved and he had told him the truth at last, something he couldn't do before. And he sent him away. 

But the worm would not wait too long and neither would Terry. He slipped the belt back around his arm and fed the worm. As his body began to take in the drug, his mind wouldn't stop thinking about Jim. That now he could not see him again, ever. He didn't realise there were tears in his eyes until there came a loud thump at the door. 

"Ben, hurry up will you. We've got to get back or there'll be hell to pay." 

Blair wiped his eyes and put his jacket back on. He opened the door to see Terry. 

"Idiot, what if someone came in and caught you? What's the matter anyway?" 

"Nothing." 

"Oh sure, why are your eyes red then?" 

Blair lowered his head and walked off. Terry shrugged and followed him. 

They were lucky the boss wasn't at the warehouse when they got there. Still Terry hurried Blair upstairs and into bed. 

But he didn't get the usual reaction from him. 

"Next time I'll get back here before you need your fix, you're no fun when you're not on a high." 

Blair turned over on his side away from Terry, his thoughts still on Jim. He was a whole world away now. He could not leave because he needed the drugs, even if he tried to leave, the boss would be after him, to bring him back or kill him because he knew too much, or to set him up for the crimes he had already committed. That made him think. If Jim knew about him being a junkie, did he know that he was dealing too? Dealers had been everything they despised before, but now he couldn't live without doing it. 

The only hope of surviving was to try and forget Jim and the others. To forget the past as if it had never existed. He lived for the heroin and nothing else. He had to stay in Terry's bed to get it. He didn't care whether he pleased Terry or not, he was just a link he needed. Terry wanted his body, so he gave it to him. 

Jim couldn't forget Blair. He was in his thoughts all the time. And yet he found he just couldn't tell Simon what Blair had become. Instead he lied to him. Told him that Blair had just up and quit, ran out on the Uni and didn't want to be found. Simon muttered something about there being no ties to bind him and shrugged. He asked about Jim's senses, Jim answered that he wasn't using them, couldn't use them. Simon had to accept that, there seemed no other choice. 

And then there was Blair's reason for doing what he did. He loved him. The kind of love that was greater than friendship. The kind of love between you'd do anything for. He believed it too. He remembered little things that Blair did and how he was always there when he needed him. He had wanted to kill the man who had hurt him, because he loved him. He had risked his life. But he had gone too deep to get to him and lost the chance. He had lost everything now. Jim found tears in his eyes as he sat alone in his apartment knowing he might not see Blair again. Realising that it did hurt more than he thought it might. Life would never be the same again. 

But for Blair, his new life hardly ever seemed to change. That was until the boss discovered that someone was trying to move into his territory, take over his business, to drive him out. Blair and Terry had to be careful with their deals. Terry always went out armed, and even though he would the boss would allow it, Blair wouldn't take one. 

As they came back from a successful deal, they returned to the news that another had gone sour, that Terry's old partner had been killed by the opposition. And that meant war in the boss' eyes. Security at the warehouse was increased, Terry and Blair lived there now anyway, but now others stayed as well, turning the room beside their's into another bedroom for them. This tended to tone down Terry's appetite for sex. He didn't like the thought of others hearing him. Blair didn't mind at all, thought he had gotten used to it, it didn't really bother him. He only gave his body to Terry because that was what Terry demanded. As before, all he lived for was his next fix. 

* * *

Jim paced his apartment. He had heard what was going on in narcotics division and it scared him. He knew that Blair would now be caught up in the narcotics war because he belonged to one of the two sides. He saw the body of the man killed and recognised him. The horrible thought that it could just as easily have been Blair worried him. 

He was pacing because he was trying to come to a decision. He wanted to try and approach Blair one more time, to try and persuade him to get out before it was too late. But then he would have to take into account Blair's condition. He knew there were ways to get off it, including cold turkey. Getting him to do that or anything however, would not be easy. His feelings were all over the place. He suddenly grabbed his keys and hurried out of the apartment. 

With the lack of privacy, Terry went back to using the hotel room, of course he didn't tell the boss about it. They went to the same hotel as before and Terry always timed it to Blair's fixes so he could get maximum pleasure. And if he didn't want to do it, Terry simply withheld his supply. Or if they were ever back late, Terry put the blame squarely on Blair. Anything that went wrong got blamed on Blair and the boss paid him with backhanders which usually floored him. Yet in the case of the hotel room, Terry was careful. Still he didn't know that they were being watched. 

He chose his time carefully, knowing exactly when it was possible to make a private approach. And he had chosen a disguise to help him make it. 

Blair came out into the street ahead of Terry and headed around to the side of the hotel where Terry had parked the mustang. As he stood waiting at the car, a wino approached him. 

"Go away fool. I've got nothing for you," snapped Blair. 

"I don't want anything from you, I just want to talk." 

Blair's eyes widened, "Jim!" He looked around fearful of Terry's returning, "I told you to leave me alone." 

"I had to see you again. I've seen what's going on. Get out Blair, you've got a chance now with all that's happening. They won't be able to go after you." 

Blair closed his eyes and shook his head. "I can't Jim. Leave me alone, please. I can't leave and you know why." 

"You can get off it." 

"No Jim. I can't. It's not that easy. You don't know these people. They would come after me, kill me or drag me back." 

"You can't like what you're doing. Look at yourself, who gave you the black eye? Always sleeping with that -- the blonde." 

"Shut up, Jim. I do what I have to do." 

Jim saw he wasn't getting anywhere. He decided to try something drastic, and probably dangerous. "Blair, you said you loved me. Show me now, leave them and I'll help you." 

"I can't... God, Jim please don't do this. You don't love me the way I love you. The way I want you to love me." 

"Blair --" 

He was shoved forcibly away by Blair, "I said get away." 

Jim landed against the wall and stared, Blair had nearly hurt him. But then he saw how nervous Blair was acting. 

Terry came to the car and began to open his door, "Being bothered by winos are we, lover?" 

Blair glared at him and hurriedly got into the car with him. Then the mustang took off. 

Jim watched it go, watched his chance slip away. He knew he couldn't do it again. Blair wouldn't let him. Yet Jim had come so close to making an offer he wasn't exactly sure of. An offer of returned love, the way Blair wanted it. If only the blonde had not come when he did... 

"What's the matter with you?" asked Terry as he drove, "You're acting shitty." 

"Maybe you give me the shits sometimes," answered Blair testily. 

"Boy, we are bring brave aren't we? Maybe I should have left you with that wino. Maybe he please you better." 

Blair clenched his fists. Terry would never know how much he would have wanted that to happen. 

Using the hotel room was chancy and Terry knew it, but he wanted his sex without others listening. The boss didn't know and he hoped no one did. Still he didn't know they had been watched and not just by Jim. 

They burst in while he was in the toilet. He heard them shout at Ben and knew it was big trouble. He grabbed his shirt and jumped out the small window, glad he had put his pants on, glad the carkeys were in his pants. He ran for the car, dodging silenced gunshots. But he made it and sped off. 

There were six of them. Three had given chase of Terry, but the other three had Blair. "Bring him, if the other gets away it won't matter. At least then Amando will know we've got one of his people. That will scare him and we'll get this queer bastard to talk too," said their leader. 

One of the two holding Blair down on the bed looked up at him, "Look, he's a junkie too." 

The leader smiled, "Amando has a strange group working for him. Queers and junkies. That'll make things easier for us. This one will talk if he is deprived of his junk. Come on, let's go. Put a coat on him, he won't need anything else." 

It seemed a long drive and it was most uncomfortable. None of them spoke during the whole trip. He thought briefly about Terry deserting him, but the consequences disturbed him more. The boss would know he had been snatched and being what he was figured he would talk eventually. He didn't want to, but Terry had stopped his supply to make him beg and he had begged. These guys wanted information and he knew when the worm started gnawing at him, he would tell them. They would probably kill him and if not them, then the boss would. 

The van finally came to a halt and he was dragged out into some sort of building and a maze of corridors. They weren't kind in their treatment and when they finally came to their destination, they pushed him so hard that he crashed painfully to the floor. 

The blindfold was removed and once he could focus properly he saw four men staring down at him. The leader of the group who kidnapped him joined these four and whispered something to them. 

"Do what you must, just get what we want from him soon," one said. 

He smiled evilly at Blair and ushered the four out the door. 

"I'll be back junkie," he said to Blair as he left also. 

Blair maneuvered himself into a sitting position which wasn't any more comfortable because he was naked beneath the overcoat, bare skin came into contact with the cold floor. He tried to figure out how much time he had before his last fix wore off, figuring they would leave him alone until then. But they had left him in darkness too, so he couldn't judge how long. He had taken it at least two hours before they took him and Terry had been at him too for that time, which tended to drive the stuff through him faster. 

His mind wandered and began travelling down paths he had tried to forget. Memories of the team surfaced, cases, good times, bad times, Jim. This time he permitted them to come. Let them fill his mind. He would never know times like those again, they were lost to him in his new slavery, but he figured that slavery would soon come to an abrupt end. 

He thought mostly of Jim and even tried to imagine what it would have been like if he had had his love returned. Imagine being made love to by Jim instead of Terry. 

He sighed heavily as he began to feel the worm at work, turning his blood to fire. Sweat began to bead on his brow and the coat began to feel uncomfortable. He lay down seeking the coolness of the floor as a way to calm the burning inside him. His arms ached from the long length of time being behind his back, only now he felt like he was being stretched out on a rack by them. His stomach began to cramp on him, squeezing so hard at nothing. His legs followed with his groin. He had equated sex with his fixes as they came together and the worm knew how to strike at him with pain as payment for its non-feeding. Then amongst the fire inside, his body felt so cold. He began to shiver at the cold and wanted to get off the floor, but any movement would awaken the worm's anger at him, aggravate it's need. 

Time lost its meaning as his body reacted against him. He wanted the pain to go away, he wanted the worm to be satisfied. He couldn't think straight, he couldn't even think his name straight. They came in and turned on the lights. It stabbed through him and he flinched quite physically. Hands touched him and they set off electric jolts through him. He was pulled to his feet and made to stand on legs that just couldn't cope with the burden of his weight, they cramped painfully, jabbing sharp spikes into his bones. "All right junkie, now it's time to talk. You're hurting enough to have loosened that tongue of yours. We want to know all about Armando's operations, everything junkie, everything you can tell us." 

He tried to focus on the Jims before him, he knew they were evil people, responsible for the worm not being fed, they were keeping him from the heroin it craved. They seemed like creatures from his nightmares come to life. The gag was pulled out. 

"I can't ... I need..." 

The man lost his patience and hit Blair in the stomach. He doubled over despite the hands holding him upright. The punch rebounded through him, knocking the air from his lungs and leaving him gagging with the agony. He had never felt so much pain in all his life. He just wanted to lay down and die. 

His hair was grabbed and his head pulled up, he let go a small scream with the action. 

"Come on junkie, tell us," the man continued and his other hand held something up for him to see. It was a needle. "You want this, don't you? You tell us what we want to know and we'll let you have it." 

Blair's eyes fixed on the needle hungrily. He gulped in a breath, "What do you want to know?" 

His eyes didn't see the triumphant smile of the man, they stayed fixed on the syringe. He answered the questions asked, even those he had to fight his pained mind for. 

The man let go of his hair and his head fell losing sight of his aim. He wretched it up seeking it again, but the man turned away. 

Blair's throat was dry, he kept trying to drink in his saliva in a bid to soothe his throat. All his senses were tuned to getting that needle, it was all that mattered in the whole world, everything else had no meaning. 

The man began to walk away and the hands that held him set him free. He crashed to his knees but stayed upright. In his sight the man moved away in slow motion, taking it with him. 

"No!" he cried. 

The man looked back over his shoulder and smiled. He stopped and turned, "Give him another hour, give him this and dump him. We won't have to kill the bastard, Armando will do that for us." 

He handed the needle to one of his flunkies and walked out. The flunkie held the needle out so Blair could see it and he teased him with it. Watching how his eyes followed it whatever direction he put it in. Then very quickly he let himself out of the door, laughing as he did so. Blair crumpled to the floor as remorse filled him and the pain redoubled its efforts to tear him apart from within. There was nothing he could do but let the agony claim him and hope it would all end. He didn't hear his tormentor return or feel him push the arm of the coat up. His veins were already standing out because of the strain so the needle went in easily without any help. Before it even began to move in his bloodstream he was picked up over the man's shoulder and carried from the room. 

He still felt nothing but numbness when he was thrown into the van and driven away. He saw nothing but darkness as they stopped freed his arms, dumped him and drove off. But slowly he began to feel the cold of the night air, the hardness of the asphalt beneath him and the lessening of the worm's anger. He slowly came to his senses as life returned to his body. When he could he sat up and tried to work out where he was. An alley of some kind. His memory began to recover and he realised what had happened. With realisation came a new pain. He had talked, he had given away everything he knew about the boss, all for a fix. They had dumped him instead of killing him, knowing the boss would want to do it anyway, despite his dislike for murder. But worst of all, he was cut off from any further supply. He had no money, he didn't even have any clothes. He wanted to find a deep hole and jump in it. 

As his mind sought for any way to solve his problem of supply, that outweighed anything, he remembered his old hotel room. The one with his old clothes in it. He had those clothes there and maybe he could find some money or someone to borrow it from. Keeping away from main roads he made his way to the hotel. Much to his relief he found the desk unmanned and he grabbed the key and raced upstairs. His clothes were still there and he quickly dressed, packing everything else. They didn't matter, money mattered. He found a little, but he knew it wasn't enough. So he took anything that could possibly be of value from the room, including the overcoat he had worn and let himself out the back. 

On the street he sold everything he had stolen. Still he was too short of the street price. He needed more money. He thought of the warehouse, but there wasn't much there of value. Maybe he could get into his bank accounts and see what was there, but the problem with that was, he didn't know where his keys were, they weren't at the hotel. Then he thought of Jim. Maybe Jim could give him some money. He shook his head at that. He could never repay him, not now. He would need everything he could get to support the habit, he would have to go without shelter and probably food, just to satisfy the worm in his veins. And he was in danger too, he was sure the boss would want to find him once he learned he was alive. He could have already been sold to the boss by someone on the streets. 

Again the thought of going to Jim crept in. There had to be another way. It would not be long before the worm demanded feeding. He stood in the doorway of the decrepit building watching the streets. A way to get money revealed itself to him. Out there in front of his eyes, hookers were trying and succeeding in picking up customers. He closed his eyes at the thought, but he had picked up Terry, why not someone else. It would get him money and he needed it. It would mean he wouldn't have to beg from Jim. But there was the danger of being seen. Still there were bars he could go to, not the one he and Terry frequented, but others. It was all he had. 

He found a secluded booth remembering that it had lured Terry to him. Ten minutes later a younger man bought him a drink. It was clear that he wanted to pick him up, get something out of it. So he made his intentions clear. The man nodded to this and led him out of the bar. Hotels were too dangerous, the man had a car. It would be uncomfortable, but it would have to do. The man was desperate for sex and Blair desperate for money. 

They got in the back seat and Blair let him take off his pants. The fellow was hardly out of his teens, but he had the cash. His hands went straight between Blair's legs stroking him, then he took him into his mouth, Blair sat back and allowed him to do what he wanted. When he was finished he urged Blair to lay across the back seat, then mounted him and had sex with him. Again Blair just lay there and let him. 

Afterwards he pulled his pants up, took the money and got out of the car without looking back. The worm was starting on him, but he finally had enough to make a score and enough to get a whole kit. He went into a quiet alley after he had made a connection and carefully prepared the heroin. He shook a little as he filled the syringe with liquefied heroin from the spoon. He remembered to get the air out, then tied up his arm and sent it into his veins to appease the worm. 

The news had suddenly become an important part in Jim's life. He didn't want to ask around at the station. He watched it fearfully, fearful that one day he might see something he didn't want to see. The drug war had gotten worse. Jim saw the warehouse owned by the man he knew was named Armando, had been torched by his rivals. He was relieved when the reports said no bodies had been found, but he also knew it meant that now he had no idea of where Blair was. 

Yet the body count on both sides was rising, dealers were being killed, still Blair and the blonde were not among them. 

Then there came a report that the war had come to an end, but the news couldn't say how. He would have to find that answer from the streets. 

However, when Jim did find out, it came from an unusual source. It came from Simon. Simon had dropped by to see him and told him what he had heard from the streets. 

"Oh, I know all about that. Some other creep is moving in. This Armando fellow came out the worst, called a meeting and gave up his territory to the new punk. Just another piece of dirt we don't need in the world. They should have killed each other off, then we'd all be better off." 

"What about the victims?" 

"What do you mean, victims?" 

"The junkies." 

Simon merely shrugged, "If there were no dealers, there'd be no junkies." 

"Some junkies become dealers just to survive." 

"There shouldn't be any at all Jim. You know that. What brought this sudden interest anyway?" 

Jim thought quickly, "I don't know, things have been too quiet for us, Narcotics have been busy, so I've been watching with a little interest, wondering about that Armando, whether he'd make a comeback." 

"That I don't know. But creeps like him don't stay down long, that's the trouble. He'll be back. He's probably after the snitch who gave him away now." 

"Snitch?" 

"Yeah. I hear one of his flunkies got snatched and talked. They let him go though, he was a junkie." 

Something inside Jim froze, "Junkie?" 

"Yeah, one of those dealer junkies you were talking about. He won't be long on this earth if he's found." 

Later in the evening, alone in his bed in his apartment, Jim found he couldn't sleep. Blair filled his thoughts. He was a dealer junkie, what if it were him? He would be on the run, desperate for drugs, desperate for his life. How could he survive alone on the streets being hunted?" 

He got out of bed without turning a light on and looked out his window to the streets. He could see a few people of the night. Then he saw something that filled him with a new fear. He saw a green mustang parked across the road. He saw the driver, alone. The blonde man. He was being watched. He got quickly back to his bed and sat at it's edge. They knew about him, true, they had kidnapped him, but why watch his place. No, Blair would have known, would have warned him somehow. 

He put his hand to his head. No. It wasn't him they were after. It was Blair. They must have learned about their relationship. If they were after a snitch junkie, he knew of one in their organization. One that might come to him for help. They were waiting for that. Waiting to kill him. Jim found tears in his eyes at those thoughts. He didn't want Blair to die. He wanted him safe, free of their hold, back where he belonged. He wanted things back the way they used to be. Why did Blair have to fall in love with him? 

Blair's latest client had gotten him in a hotel which he didn't want to do, knowing the dangers, and now he had gone out for cigarettes and he was taking too long. He had paid for a whole night and Blair needed the money, the day before he had been forced to hide and the worm had claimed him before he could score, he didn't want that to happen again. But as he lay on the bed waiting for tha man's return he began to get scared. Half the money was there, it would have to do. He got up and dressed quickly, stuffing the money into his pockets. Then he heard people coming up the corridor and he panicked. Running into the toilet he found the window was a way out, he jumped out and ran. 

Shouts came from room with the realisation that he had escaped. He hid in the alley, huddling close to a bin in the shadows praying he wouldn't be seen. 

A little later he heard a car screech away, he had to look, he knew that car, the green mustang. He collapsed back into his hiding place. Now they knew about what he was doing. All of Cascade wasn't safe anymore. 

He sat there alone for a long time. His thoughts had turned back to Jim once more. He had no other choice now, he would have to turn to him, to beg him for money, enough to get him out of Cascade. On his way he made a score and then hurried to Jim's place, taking bcak streets and allies. The worm was biting at him as he went, but he had to keep moving, just in case his connection sold him too. 

He stopped when he reached a position across from Jim's building. Dawn was approaching and he wanted to get in while it was still dark, but he needed this fix and he didn't want to do it there. He remembered the basement. It had shadowy places that he could use before going up to Jim. Keeping to the shadows he made his way into the basement. It gave him a slight sense of safety. Then suddenly the elevator doors opened. He leapt for cover knowing if he were seen the cops would be called. He was a junkie, he even looked like one and be thought of as trying to steal cars from there. He hid and used that place to take his much needed fix as the person did whatever thay had to do and left. Yet Blair realised he had a new problem, how was he going to get upstairs without being seen. The only stairway seemed to be locked from the inside, however, a building like it would have to have fire escape somewhere, probably outside. He sighed heavily at the dilemma and with the effects of sating the worm once more. With the decreasing darkness he had to move fast or it all would be a waste of time. He made his way to the top of the carpark exit and slowly began to make his way around the building. The streets were already beginning to come to life with day people, off to work. People he could no longer associate with. Taking a deep breath, he moved out to find what he was looking for. 

As he made his way down the alley at the back, a bright pair of carlights hit his back. He spun around and the car screeched to life. Spinning again he ran, running as fast as he could. He barely made the service ramp as the green mustang roared past. He heard it violently break and knew he was in great trouble. He knew also that Terry was at the wheel. He ran back towards the front of the building as the mustang reversed out of the alley. He made it to the street before the car and deliberately ran into the traffic, just avoided being hit, causing mayhem. Yet he made it across the road and into another alley. The mustang however, had been caught up in the chaos he caused and Terry got out cursing him for escaping. 

Blair clambered into a large cardboard box in an alley he had run into. He could run no further, his whole body ached with the exertion he had already put it through, his lungs burned and his heart beat so fast. He was also so disoriented and dizzy from shooting up not long before the chase. It took a while for him to come down and be hit by the fact that now the way to Jim was closed to him too. Terry had not forgotten and had simply waited. 

Blair huddled to himself. He had nowhere to go now, nowhere was safe and he would have no way to get his next fix. He was broke and soon he himself would reach breaking point. 

Jim had awoken with a start when he heard the car screeching down in the streets. He got up to investigate the noises, but as he did he saw the green mustang at the end of the alley and the mayhem of the cars on the road. He watched as the blonde man leapt out of the car throwing his fists angrily about and slamming them on the car's roof. Across the road, Jim barely made out a fleeing figure. "Blair!" he cried to himself. 

The blonde man seemed to look up at the building, so Jim pulled away from his wondow. When he looked back the mustang was pulling away. He dialled up his eyes to see the other side of the road, but he could see nothing. He hoped Blair had got away safely. He fell back on his bed. Blair had finally tried to reach him. Tried to come to him for help. He would have given it, no matter what it was. He wouldn't come back, of that Jim was sure. His heart sank. It was not the first time a chance had been lost. He began to feel he might never see Blair alive again. He groaned at the injustice of it all. 

Blair went to sleep in the box and slept most of the day away. He was bothered by no one because he was in an area where winos didn't hang out. It was an uptown alley afterall, and the box was left undisturbed. He woke up with evening setting in and his whole body ached. The worm too was beginning to get actiove. He sat up and tried to think. He was trapped with no safe choices left. He began to think that the only way he could go was out. To let himself be found and get it over with. He was sick of hiding, of prostituting himself to support the habit they had forced upon him. Of running and being afraid of everyone he met. Again he thought of Jim, remembered the time he came to him as a wino. He had reached out, trying to pull him away, and he had been forced to refuse. He wished Jim could find him again and pull him out, he would not be able to refuse. He wouldn't refuse. But that was just a dream.. He had gone too far for Jim to rescue him now. The best thing he could do would be to let it all come to an end. 

He got out of the box into the light of day. As he looked down at the ground he saw a dime. One dime. He picked it up and put it in his pocket. At least they couldn't say he was penniless. He walked slowly without looking at the surroundings, out in full view, lost in his own thoughts, mainly of things he had wished he had done in his lifetime. A lot of people stared at him, his appearance was that of a street person. Unshaven, dirty and alone. The worm was irritating him too and he began to sweat, but it didn't bother him, he was now past caring about his appearance and considering what awaited him, he didn't care what other people thought either. The world was little more than a blur. 

And darkness began to settle in, but he was through with hiding. However, when the worm got to be a bit much, he had to stop and rest. He leaned at the corner of a building back in the territory he knew would sell him fast or he would be seen. He needed a fix badly and yet hoped at the same time he would never get one. He just wanted it all to end. 

Yet as he stood there, unaware of how he was standing, a young man approached him. It was only then that he fully realised where he was and that he looked like he was showing himself available. He tried to brush the kid aside, but he would not budge. And then the kid offered to pay him with drugs. The worm inside was more than tempted, but he was reluctant. Still the kid was determined. One last time to appease the worm, Blair let the kid lead him away. The kid had a van which intended to use and invited Blair in the front first, but only after Blair demanded at least part payment. The kid gave him a bag and he got in. 

However, when the kid got in, he started up the van. 

"Hey, what's going on?" demanded Blair. 

"I want to go somewhere more secluded," answered the kid. 

Blair nodded though he didn't like it at all. And a short time later his feeling came true. A hand snatched his arm from behind and a knife came up to his neck. He couldn't tell who was behind him, the high seat hid his attacker and the kid beside him just smiled as if in triumph and continued driving. They had gone into an area of darkness, isolated, and there the van stopped. Blair was unable to move and thought that perhaps this was it, the boss had him. The driver got out and opened the door, now pointing a gun at him, the knife had left him. He was made to get out and move a little way away from the van. He heard it's side door open but he did not try to look back. 

As the kid in front of him continued to smile, he felt and heard the approach of the others, there was more than one, three perhaps, he couldn't tell for sure. He kept his eyes even as the baseball bat came down across his back. He collapsed then, the air forced out of his lungs, only to be used as a football by the others. They continued to kick and beat him until he was unaware that anything was happening. He came to slowly and coughed out a mouthful of blood. It hadn't been the boss afterall, just kids who liked to beat up people like what he had become. But two kinds of pain were competing for ascendancy over him. The pain of the beating and the pain of needing a fix. 

He tried to move, but every action brought stabs of sharper pain shooting through him. But he forced himself up, wondering why they had left him alive, it only made things worse. He managed to get himself into a seated position and through the agony he could think of only one way to ease the pain. He still had the small packet the kid gave him. With shaking hands he opened it carefully and tested it. It was the real thing afterall. From his pocket he pulled out his kit and prepared the needle. He felt like he was going to black out again and hurriedly pulled his belt off and tied it around his arm, he didn;t care about the new pains assailing him, he ignored them to appease the other. He was shaking so much and his sight just wouldn't focus, yet he managed it in the end and then allowed himself to collapse. But the pain wouldn't go away this time and he couldn't bear anymore. 

As he lay on his side he felt the dime in his pocket. Slowly he fished it out and focused on it. Raising his head he looked about, his sight had improved a little, there was a telephone not far away. With every piece of strength he had left he crawled to the phone and pulled himself up to it. In his mind there was only one number left and he dialled it. When the phone was answered he found he couldn't say anything. He didn't know how to start. 

Jim held onto the line, only a few people had his number. He hoped it was who he figured, but he decided to wait, he couldn't push it and scare him away. 

"Jim..." finally he spoke. 

"Blair, are you all right?" 

Blair gave a laugh/cry, "You know I'm not... Please Jim, I wouldn't call, but I've got nowhere else to turn. They're after me, they want to kill me. I'm out of... I have nothing left. I've got to get out of Cascade..." 

"Blair, I'll help you, please tell me where you are." 

Blair clutched at the phone and at the walls of the booth, "They're watching you Jim." 

"I know Blair!" Then he heard a moan from his friend, "Blair?" He sounded in pain, "What's the matter? God, tell me where you are!" 

"Remember a long time ago, you rang me... I need that favour returned Jim," he gave the address, "Hurry, please." Then the line went dead. 

The green mustang was nowhere to be seen, Jim hurried to the truck and sped towards the location he had been given. 

He remembered the call he had made, the one that had brought Blair to him after he had been dumped. He was in a bad way from repeated rapes. Had Blair been raped? It drove him to go faster and he understood Blair's feelings. 

Blair was lying crumpled a few feet away from the phone booth when Jim found him. He carefully turned him over and saw the mess he was in. Blair's eyes opened and his body shook. 

"God Blair, what happened?" 

"I got beaten up by a bunch of kids... They did it for kicks." 

"Why?" 

"Because I looked like I was trying to pick someone up. That's why." 

Jim nodded. 

"I haven't been raped Jim. I'm just a junkie in big trouble. Got a death sentence on my head, cut off from my supply, cut off from all sources of money... Jim, I've been... you're the only hope I have." 

"You need help, you're bleeding from your ears." 

"The only help I want is to get out of town." 

"Well you won't get far in your condition," he hauled Blair up. Forcing a cry of pain from him. There was no way to be gentle with him. 

"Jim, I can't go to any doctors or the like. I'd be arrested." 

"Don't be ridiculous. I'm a cop!" 

"Jim, please. No doctors. I'd have to tell what happened. I can't have anyone know how this... Not only am I a junkie and a -- a God, Jim, I dealed in drugs. They'd lock me up no matter what. Please, just help me get out of town." 

Jim sighed and helped him into the car, "All right. But you need some patching up, I'll do that, you did it for me." And you're still doing it for me. 

Blair lay his head back, "This is different. They know your place, they'd kill us both if they found us together." 

"I can take you somewhere else, don't worry, they won't find you." 

Jim started the car up and sped off. He drove to the mountains and into a small cabin there. Blair was too out of it to notice where. He only fully came around when Jim pulled up at the door. 

"Where are we?" he asked as Jim helped him out. 

"A cabin Iuse for fishing. You'll be safe here, it's free for the whole week." He unlocked the door, turned on the lights and moved to the couch where he let Blair down. He hurried towards the kitchen and returned a short time later with a large bowl of water and towels. Blair lay across the couch, his head and back propped up with cushions. Jim began to clean the blood away from his Jim and ears, relieved that the bleeding had stopped. 

Blair still shook and Jim slowly began to strip him of his jacket, shirt and t-shirt. The jacket he laid aside, but the t-shirt was so filthy and tattered that he tossed it aside intending to throw it away. Again he saw the needle tracks on Blair's arm and he found the kit in the jacket's pocket. He looked up and met Blair's eyes. 

"How long since..." 

"My last fix. Not long before I called you. It was more important at the time." 

Blair stopped looking at him when he spoke. He felt ashamed when he woke. He felt ashamed to make the admission. "I'm sorry, Jim." 

"For what?" 

"For bringing this on you." 

"You got into this because of me." 

Blair closed his eyes, "I got myself in too deep though. I did that by myself. I went too far, now I am paying for it and I've brought my problems to you." 

"And where would you be if you didn't?" Jim was working on his chest where terrible bruises were forming. 

"I was going to give up." 

Jim stopped, "Give up! You mean let them have you, kill you?" 

"Yes, I can't take any more. For weeks I've been running for my life. Do you know how I've survived, Jim? I've slept in boxes, eaten out of bins, but I had to have... I've been selling myself for the money I needed." He opened his eyes and met Jim's, "Only one thing has mattered the whole time, only that, satisfying it's need. I'm tired Jim, it can hurt so bad, much worse than all this. It owns me, it consumes me and I hate it. I hate what I've had to do for it." 

Jim reached out his hand, "I understand Blair, really I do." 

Something broke inside Blair and the tears came. Jim held his hand tighter. "I wanted to kill him, Jim, instead he has killed me." 

"You're not dead, Blair. I don't want you to die." 

"But I'm already dead, Jim. I can't be the same. I can't forget everything that's happened, all the terrible things I've done." 

"You called me though, you don't want to die, not really." 

Blair's eyes closed again, he had no answer for that and stayed quiet. 

Jim went back to cleaning him up. He lifted him and found the awful welt across his back. It had come from the baseball bat and it looked horrible. He cleaned it though and lay him down. 

He then began to undo Blair's pants and pull them down. His legs were bruised and cut, he cleaned them, again he threw the pants, socks and shoes aside to be thrown out. There was only one more piece of clothing to go and they would have to be tossed out too. He found bruises there too, some were old. He coaxed Blair onto his side to work on his back and found more bad bruises from the kicks he took and again old ones. Then getting him back on his back, he covered him with a blanket and moved off to get rid of the clothes, towels and bowls. Blair seemed to be dozing, yet Jim knew he'd have to keep him conscious in case he had concussion or worse. 

Near dawn Jim dropped off to sleep, he was exhausted and Blair had been uninclined to talk much. A few hours later while Jim still slept, Blair reached for his jacket and was relieved to find his kit was still there. He took it with him as he made his way to the toilet using the blanket to keep himself covered. 

He looked around the cabin, his junkie's eyes picking out things he could sell. He shook his head at those thoughts, he couldn't do that to Jim. It also showed him just how low he had gone. He finished in the toilet and shuffled into the kitchen. He hadn't seen so much food in a long time and helped himself to it even though his stomach still hurt like hell. He also cleaned his kit, he had to reuse the needle and the dangers stayed in his mind, he would need it later and was glad he still had some junk left from the night before. After that he went back to the main room. Jim was still asleep and he settled down to do some of the same, if he could. 

When Jim woke up later he saw that despite the bruises, Blair was looking better. He went to the kitchen and saw that Blair had been there. He made something for himself and went into the bedroom. He got a robe for himself and a robe for Blair and turned the bed down for him. He also got the shower ready, Blair needed one and a shave. 

He hurried backand found Blair awake. He handed him the robe. 

"Would you like a shower?" 

"What's that?" smiled Blair. 

Jim couldn't help smiling himself "Oh, come on." 

Blair got up and put the robe on and followed him to it. 

The shower felt wonderful, it felt like it washed some of the dirt from his body, but only the real stuff. It was harder to shave with the bruises on his Jim and looking at himself in the mirror made it worse. He saw how he had changed, it seemed age had caught up with him fast. He carefully combed the long hair which had been greasy and knotted. 

As he came out of the shower, he found Jim rummaging in the wardrobes. He looked at him. 

"You need clothes. I had to throw your stuff out." 

"I have been living in them for weeks, Jim." 

Jim nodded. Blair sat down on the bed and watched him. Old feelings were rising in him as he watched him. He didn't want them to surface, but they were. He blamed it on the situation, perhaps he was too used to being in a bedroom with someone. But they had used him and he had used them. He didn't want to use or be used by Jim. 

Jim turned and saw the way he stared, the way he lounged on the bed. 

"You said you wanted to leave town. Where will you go, what will you do?" he said as he pulled some clothes out. 

"It doesn't matter where, just away from these people, all the trouble. I'll find something." 

"You won't go back to what you were doing, will you?" 

Blair dropped his gaze, "I'll do what I have to do." 

"I mean it when I told you I'd help you. You could get off the stuff." 

"How Jim? I can't do that here, how could I do it anywhere else? I can't go anywhere for help, they'd send me back here." 

"They'd help you wouldn't they?" 

"It's still here Jim. I can't be here with all that's happened. Things just can't be the same anymore. I can't go back to what I used to be." 

"Why not?" 

Blair flopped over the bed, "It just can't." 

Jim put the clothes on the chair beside the bed. "I've never known you to give up on anything before. As long as I've known you, you've hated being made to do anything you didn't want to do. Do you want to stay a junkie and a -- yes, I'll say it, a whore for what's left of your life? Always running away from people like that bastard." 

Blair buried his head in his arms, "No. But what else have I got now." 

Jim went to the bed and sat down, "Look at me Blair. I feel partly to blame for all this. How do you think I feel seeing you like this, knowing that it all happened because of me, and don't say it didn't because it did. You did it because you said you loved me. This has been tearing me apart too. I've worried about you the whole time, knowing the danger you were in, knowing the risks you would have to take to survive." He touched Blair's head and smoothed his hair, "I think I know how you feel now." 

Blair slowly lifted his head to look up into the blue eyes, "What?" 

"You went through all this because you loved me. You've shown me how much you care by putting your life in the line. You wanted to kill for me. You've been out there alone, fighting to survive alone. It worried me to death. I felt shut out. I didn't like being pushed away. I wanted to help you. I was missing you. You got me through what that bastard did to me. I got over that because you were there. I want to give you what you want." 

"You don't know what you're saying," Blair dropped his head back on his hands. 

Jim slid off the bed and knelt on the floor, "When you told me, it was a surrprise. I began to see things in a different light. You were always there when I needed you, then I saw it as friendship, now I know it was more than that. It made me look at what love is. The love that transcends friendship. The love that makes people do silly things that put them at risk, that drives them to do things they would never do otherwise. Like what you wanted to do for me. You want me to love you too, I think I do." 

"You think you do... It's not something you think, it's something you feel.' 

"Dammit Blair, you're doing it again. Trying to push me away. If it's anything like feeling that something's eating away inside, of being afraid... I was taught that all this was wrong, you tore that down. I feel all twisted up inside, I hurt for you and I don't know how to show you..." 

Blair propped himself up and held his eyes. He reached out and touched his Jim and drew his head down to the bed. Blair couldn't hold back what he felt, it was what he always wanted, yet Jim seemed to take it all. Still Blair pulled back from him and looked down at the blue eyes, "Don't do this because you think you have to pay me back." 

"I'm not." 

Blair stared as if he were trying to read his soul, then he leaned down again. All the pain had left his body, nothing else seemed to matter, nothing but showing Jim how he loved him. 

Blair began to draw Jim's clothes off slowly. He wanted to be careful, he knew Jim was still unsure of what he was doing. As he got Jim's pants off, he let his robe fall too, so they were both naked. Jim was still lying on his back and Blair lay beside him, kissed him and slid his hand down over his chest down his stomach and between his legs. Jim gasped with contact, but soon settled and let Blair's hand began a downward trial until he was taken inside his mouth. 

He squirmed on the bed as he enjoyed what was happening, it was not the first time, but somehow it was completely different. He was also gasping for breath when he finally climaxed. 

Blair came back up to him and kissed him again and looked into his eyes. "Jim, after what happened to you... I need to... I ache to love you." 

Up until then Jim had forgotten that he had been raped. He could see Blair was erect and that he wanted to make love to him. "I'm not afraid of you, Blair." 

Blair kissed him again and urged him onto his stomach then straddled him. He was being very careful and parted him, took his time stretching him, using some hand cream found in a drawer, then slowly entered him. He moved slowly, Jim moved with him. Yet Blair did not take long to come to climax and soon collapsed beside him. 

"Believe it or not Jim, but you are the first I've ever done that with." 

Jim turned onto his back faced Blair and came up to lie in his arms. They didn't speak for a long time, just lay there holding each other. 

Blair's mind turned back to having to leave. He knew he would still have to go, but it was harder, Jim had given him what he wanted. Yet to stay meant constant danger to them both. To go meant going back to barely surviving, of selling himself to suppost the worm in his veins. 

He didn't know that Jim was thinking that same. That he had figured that Blair would still go and that he would give him the money to go, to get far away from his present danger into an uncertain and equally dangerous future. 

Blair leaned up and kissed him suddenly, "Make love to me, Jim. Help me to forget... the others and remember only you." 

They held each other's eyes for a long moment, then Jim leaned up to take his mouth. This time his hand strayed down between Blair's legs and Blair gasped in ecstacy at his touch, rising fast to his strokes. He moved his mouth down slowly which drove Blair crazy, he was aching again. He cried out his name when he finally took him, his tongue explored a great deal before he settle down. It was a long time before Blair climaxed and his hand found Jim and brought him up. There were no words as Blair turned over. Jim moved into position, opened him and entered him. Blair rose to meet him and sighed with absolute pleasure. For the first time with a clear head he enjoyed having someone inside him. He enjoyed it because it was more than sex. He writhed beneath Jim who was forced to grab his hips just to stay with him. In this he was also inexperienced, but he knew Blair certainly wasn't. And it was through Blair's actions that he took a long time to climax. Then he collapsed, totally spent. The exhaustion also sent him to sleep. Blair lay still for a long time, he hadn't wanted it to end, but he knew it would and that he would keep it in his memory. He was glad also that Jim slept. There was something he had to do and he didn't want Jim to see him. 

He picked up the robe and hurried back to the toilet, he found what he had ealier hidden and out of habit went into the toilet. He felt guilty, it was as if he had betrayed something. He went into the kitchen afterwards and cleaned everything, throwing away the empty bag. He went back upstairs and stared at the sleeping form of Jim. His heart ached to stay. He picked up the clothes Jim had left out and dressed quickly. He found Jim's wallet, inside was several hundred dollars. He took it leaving cab fare for Jim, he also took the keys to the truck. Then he hurriedly scribbled a note and left it on the pillow. Again he was tempted to touch Jim, but he didn't. He hurried away. 

It was late evening when Jim awoke. He could feel he was alone on the bed and switched on the bedlamp. He saw the note on the bed and read it, then slowly he walked to the window door which he pushed open. His eyes picked out the direction of the airport and he stared there for a long time, wondering if he would ever see Blair again. 

* * *

There was a knock at the door. Jim was dozing on his couch, but it woke him. He shook sleep from him wondering what it could be, he wasn't expecting anyone, he barely saw anyone but the Simon those days and he knew he was away on loaction. 

He opened the door to find a messenger there, "Your name Watchman?" he asked. 

Jim stared at him, " Oh, ah, yes." 

"Sign here, special delivery gram." 

Jim signed and took the envelope. 

"Watchman?" He hadn't used that name before, but... 

He went back to his couch before he opened it. He read it, stared at it, then sighed. 

Grabbing the keys to the truck he raced downstairs and sped out of the carpark. He drove like a maniac, lucky no other cops saw him, all the way to his destination, where he screeched to a halt. 

He was out of the car in seconds and inside the building. 

He hurried to the old room he had gone to before and was glad they had not moved him out of it after being missing for nearly a year. 

Jim smiled at young female student exited the office. "I'm so glad you're back, Mr Sandburg." She bumped into Jim, "Oh I'm sorry, I've seen you before, haven't I?" 

"He's my friend," said Blair from behind his desk. 

"Well I'll leave him in your hands then." She smiled at Jim and left 

"Certainly, he'll be safe in my hands. You ready to go." 

"Safe in your hands, yes please," said Blair, grinning as he grabbed his back pack and followed his friends out. 

Jim stayed silent all the way to the car, then he turned Blair around to face him, "How...?" 

"Did I get here. Long story, Jim, man. But I'll tell you if you want me to." 

"Want you to? Get in that car. I've waited six months to hear from you." 

"Where are we going?" 

"My place." 

"Just to talk." 

"No bloody fear. Once is not enough. I didn't just say that before." 

"Yes please," repeated Blair and he jumped in the car. 

* * *

They lay together exhausted holding each other. 

"When I left I caught a flight to Hawaii. I couldn't forget what had happened. I couldn't forget you. I needed a fix when we got there, but I did't know where to go. The bus I caught... well it went past a clinic there. I got off and went in... They put me on methadone and helped me kick it. Then I heard that Armando was dead and Terry in prison, I was safe. I let them help me get a job, get back on my feet, arrange things with the Uni for me to come back. I didn't to just call out of the blue, so I sent a message, you came faster than I expected." 

"I've missed you so much," he looked at him more closely. "Now you are back, the old you and I do love you Blair." 

"I won't leave you again Jim and I'll make sure you stay out of trouble. But I want a promise from you." 

"Anything!" 

"Don't ever mention what I became or what I did. Just think of the future, please." 

"As long as you're in it, I will keep that promise." 

Blair smiled and kissed him and they made love again. 

Later as Jim slept Blair stared at the ceiling. He was home at last and free of everything but his love for Jim. 

"So there is a better place for you and me afterall, Jim," he whispered as the old Animal's song played through his head. 

* * *

End We've Got To Get Out Of This Place by Fyrbyrd: fyrbyrd77@hotmail.com

Author and story notes above.

  
Disclaimer: _The Sentinel_ is owned etc. by Pet Fly, Inc. These pages and the stories on them are not meant to infringe on, nor are they endorsed by, Pet Fly, Inc. and Paramount. 


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